Where do I begin? I’ll begin with today. Woke up at 8 AM for an 8:30 meeting with fellow comedian Sue Funke. We’re working on a project together. Sue is a real mensch. She’s also my nosy neighbor and guaranteed to bust me every time I am making the walk of shame home. She’s got an apartment with a balcony that literally faces the subway so she is always aware of my comings and goings. One time I had an overnight guest and the next morning we both left on the train together to go our separate post one night stand ways. I had the horrifying premonition that Ms. Funke would bust me on the way to the train as she usually takes the train at that time in the morning. So I went to the opposite end of the subway platform, sure I’d avoid her and avoid shame. Wouldn’t you know it, Sue thought she’d let her hair down and mix it up that morning and also went to the opposite end of the platform and got in the same car. She not only chatted up my one night stand, and with all the cheeriness of Today Show era Katie Couric, but they ended up transferring trains together! Sue would email me later that day telling me how nice he was and that she really believed in his music career. I didn’t even know all of that information. But that is Sue for you. You can never get one past her. There is a degree in comfort in having a good friend / fellow comedian / nosy neighbor in your life. They can keep tabs on you.
So Sue and I had our meeting this morning on the balcony with bagels and coffee. I bought the coffee from the Italian bakery on the corner. After the meeting I bought another iced coffee. I needed another. I had stayed up until 3AM reading Mackenzie Phillips new memoir. Let me tell you it is a real page turner. I can’t put it down. I am looking forward to finishing her book because I am hoping and waiting for a good and positive resolution to all the pain she has suffered, and also so that I can return to normal sleeping patterns! At the bakery for iced coffee #2, I thought I’d make small talk with the gal behind the counter. I said “second of the morning!” with a wink and a renegade smile. I guess she didn’t hear me correctly because she replied very enthusiastically “Oh! Top of the Morning to you too!” – Now I love being of Irish descent. I find it to be very sexy. But I am not so Irish as to run around town spouting cliché Irish things like that. I thought of correcting her but that would have made the whole situation more awkward so I left it.
Spoke to my sister Minda this morning. Minda is a school teacher in Rio Rancho, New Mexico. It had been awhile and I was revved up to talk to her. So I during our conversation I went back to the bakery for iced coffee #3. I was greeted with a “Top of the Morning to ya! You want a third coffee?” I nodded. Lots of whispers as to who is the crazy Irish guy wanting so much coffee. It takes a lot to feel like an oddball in New York City. I feel like it’s a testament to my star quality!
Speaking of star quality. I’ll be playing Patti LuPone as Evita in “Dream Role” at the 92Y in Tribeca. I’ll talk about this later. So get rest, Buenos Aires!
I have been so tired since Los Angeles. Oh yeah LA. Got in to LA on Wednesday. Saw my mother for the first time in forever! She was crying she was so happy. I wanted to cry too but I held back because I didn’t want to go to sobbing town. My aunt Patsy drove us from LAX to our hotel in West Hollywood. My mother and I checked into our rooms and later that night we went out to eat with Terese Genecco. My Mom and Terese hit it off and we shared four pitchers of margaritas between us. After making plans to all travel to Greece together and for my Mom to run away and play the tambourine in Terese’s band it was time to call it a night. Terese and I went to my Mom’s balcony to enjoy a cigarette (my choice of poison) and for Terese to enjoy a clove cigarette (her choice of poison.) When we were done with our poisons we found my mother in her nightgown in bed with the covers pulled up to her chin. She had a huge grin and said “goodnight guys.” We took that as a hint she was ready for us to leave and call it a night. Terese and I went up to her room and split a bottle of champagne. I could talk to Terese for hours and I did.
The next morning I had to buy a belt. I also had to say hello to Joan Crawford. So I walked 5 miles from the hotel to Grauman’s Chinese Theatre to say hello to Joan and to buy a belt across the street at H&M. Came home still feeling awfully hungover. My friend Sharon flew in from Georgia to see my show. We interned together at Disneyland 12 years ago. There were about 10 others of us all coming together for my shows and to return to Disneyland. Sharon stayed in my room with me in West Hollywood. I was deliriously tired when I saw her. All I could do was sing Dolly Parton’s song “Gravity and Jesus” to her. Except I didn’t know the full song. Just the “gravity and jesus” part.
Time for the first show. We all got to the M Bar in a caravan. I was reunited with my best friends Michelle Tomlinson, Michele Graham and Patrick Julian. We all fell in love back in college. Oh and I got to see Landall Goolsby, Larry Tadlock and David Jung, a talented actor and comedian that I immediately loved when we trained together at Second City. After the M Bar and after I put my mother to bed I joined Michelle, Michele and Patrick at the opening night industry party at Shriekfest LA. Michelle Tomlinson is a film actress and has made a few horror films and has quite the fan base. It was surreal to see her signing autographs. After the after party we went to Patrick’s apartment in West Hollywood. He lives in a great 60’s modern complex with a pool in the courtyard like Melrose Place. He also has coffee table that belonged to Richard Harris. We all drank wine and posed for photos around that table. I smoked Michelle’s electronic cigarette and decided that it was so nifty I’d buy one myself when I returned to New York so I can stop smoking. I’ll get to that next week. The girls needed to sober up before the drive home so we all went to a Thai restaurant on Sunset Blvd that had a kitschy rock and roll décor.
My mother wanted to go to Hollywood the next morning. I was so tired but I wanted to maximize the time with my mother. We went with my cousin Gilbert who flew in from Dallas. I got to say hello to Joan again. I would have taken a picture but it didn’t feel right. I’m closer to her than the other tourists so I decided I’d go see her grave in upstate New York with my friend Joe Rosario who directed Together and ultimately brought Joan and I together. Mom, Gilbert and I toured Grauman’s Chinese then had a drink at The Roosevelt Hotel.
Friday’s show brought out the whole Disney gang, my gigantic Mexican family, Adam Burnworth from Portales, NM, Laura Maninno and more. It was a great show and I was happy to perform for my mother. After the show, my reunited Disney’s and I went to I-Hop. I was so relieved the shows were over so I was about 10 vodkas in. I serenaded my friends with more “gravity and jesus.”
That's Jenna Esposito, myself and Leah Dubie pictured here after performing at The M Bar in Hollywood.
Next morning my mother and I had our goodbyes. It was the first time in the whole time we were there that we got to be alone. We shared and cried and connected. I’m going to see her for a week in November. I’m excited to go back to my hometown and connect with my roots again. It’s been about three years since I have been home. After saying “see ya later” to my Mommie, Sharon and I drove to Orange County to meet the rest of the Disney’s at Mike Wilkie’s grave. He was one of us and recently passed away. Too tragic to go into. He was a stand-up guy. A wonderful friend and husband and father and too young. This was a very emotional day on so many levels.
We returned to the scene of the crime, Disneyland. Together again. I was in a very silly mood. I think it was a combination of exhaustion and feeling so many emotions in the past few days. The trip was fast, furious and an episode of “this is your life.” I saw so many loved ones in such a brief period it was a bit overwhelming. But truth be said my soul was craving it. My silliness prompted me to ask every Disney employee if Jane Fonda was in the park.
We got back that night to the hotel at 1 AM. Sharon had an early flight. I would take the rental car with her back to LAX and wait a few hours for my flight. I told her $5 gas is enough to get us to LAX. Well we got lost several times and ran out of gas on the freeway. Sharon was bummed because she would miss picnic day with her husband in Savannah. It’s one of her favorite events and she was looking forward to it. I felt like it was my fault for overestimating the car’s fuel efficiency. No gravity. No Jesus. The AAA man filled the car up. Off we were again with gravity and Jesus. Sharon and I saw Gwen Stefani in the airport and sat at a shoe shine booth with our Starbucks just to watch Gwen being beautiful. Her body guard didn’t like us. Said goodbye to Sharon and bought Mackenzie’s book and have been up reading it ever since.
I’m happy to be home. I got so much more to say about some other things, there is a lot of GOOD going on right now and gravity and Jesus. But this entry is long enough and I need to pee. And smoke a non-electronic cigarette. I’ll smoke the electronic one starting next week. Maybe.
Love
Danny
