It's Monday morning. I'm ready for the week. Lay it on me. Looked at myself in the mirror this morning and noticed my sideburns look very angry. My sideburns are very thick and if I'm not careful they'll grow down my neck. I think if I really wanted to, I could have sideburns that would rival the length of Crystal Gayle's hair. They are the only hair surface on me that are bright red. I'm a medium brunette everywhere else. I don't know if that is the irish side of me or the mexican side. Logic would say irish, but there are a few rogue red heads on my mother's side of the family. And I do tend to inherit every bizarre genetic mystery from my mother's side of the family. Like the tooth that grew in the roof of my mouth when I was 11 years old. I hid it from my parents for months because I didn't want to have to go to the dentist. One day during Days of Our Lives, during Patch and Kayla's wedding, I showed my secret monster tooth to my sister Minda. Big mistake. It was extracted the very next day. My life could be very different today if I still had that tooth. I know it was a lucky monster tooth.
Had a great time at my EastVille Comedy Club show on Wednesday. I really like that club. It's extremely laid back. I am not. It's good for me to be forced to take a chill pill. After the show Helen Hong dropped into the club. I love Helen Hong and when she came through the door it felt like Christmas to me. I really love loving people. Becky, Leah, Garry, Helen, myself and some German tourists that were in the audience headed up to Nowhere bar for after show drinks. Becky invited the Germans. Becky has a habit of collecting foreign audience members out for drinks with us, much like a child would collect seashells on the beach. She's done this with Brazilians and the Irish before and always has the same very proud smile that says "look what I found!"
Becky ordered $3 popcorn at Nowhere bar that Leah quickly hijacked. Leah also had a beer. Leah is also very anti-carb. If she were a beauty pageant contestant "no carbs" would be her platform issue. I asked Leah what was going on. She cited the economy. Helen was dancing with a slice of pizza. Germans were lurking. I was giving Garry a hard time about his v-neck t-shirt because the design looked like the Caroline's logo when all of a sudden I saw objects flying at me in my periphery. Then I felt something hit the side of me. I turned and noticed a stack of postcards had been thrown at us. I looked toward the direction of where they came from and saw two guys in the corner trying to bury themselves in the couch. They knew they had been caught and I was ready to confront. I couldn't believe what had just happened. Garry was very casual about it. As if this kind of thing is normal. He said it wasn't a big deal and jumped back into our conversation already in progress. I couldn't hear what he was saying at that point because I was in my head about being assaulted with postcards. I love a good confrontation. Especially when I feel I've been victimized. I love standing up for myself more than anything in the world. I think this is because I was picked on my whole life as a kid and have a "never again" constitution. I interrupted Garry and said "are you sure I shouldn't at least pick up the postcards and walk them over there and say "hey guys, I think you dropped something?" And I would have said that looking straight through them with my "I will kill you" eyes that I inherited from my mother. Garry said it wasn't a big deal and that drunk things happen. Garry also works for the folks that own Nowhere bar and I didn't want to cause trouble for him. I took a very deep breath and let it go. Which is huge for me. That's like a dog turning down two huge greasy strips of bacon left out on the floor. Taking the high road required tremendous restraint. I was surprised at myself and thought maybe I could also quit smoking. I was again in mid-conversation saw something new coming at me in my periphery. This time it was a person. It was one of the guys who threw the postcard at me before. He walked over to me and looked me up and down, smiled and winked at me and then made a b-line to the bathroom all with the subtlety of a fur coat in July. I guess he didn't want to fight me after all. Then I wondered how many times before have I unnecessarily turned a flirty situation into a catfight scene from Dynasty? I didn't follow him to the restroom to find out what was next. I was too busy being introspective with myself. I then heard myself start to tell Garry about how much Patti LuPone meant to me. I stopped myself. That topic can be very emotional for me. Anytime I launch into a LuPone conversation I know its time to call it a night. Becky told me that I need give some face time to the Germans before leaving. I agreed. So I smoked a cigarette with one outside. I found myself getting a Dr. Phil pep talk from this German from the audience who maybe knew two words of English. Yes, it was time to get in a cab.
I was looking forward to dinner with Susan Alexander on Thursday. I emailed Susan to cancel last minute because Helen asked me to do her Ochi's show at Comix. Susan immediately called me up and told me I was trading up for another gook. Susan is Korean and a comedian. Helen is Korean and a comedian. Comedians often ignore the boundaries of PC when it comes to themselves. I told Susan I was not trading her for another gook that I was trading her for my career. She started laughing, told me she loved me, called me a whore and hung up on me. Then five minutes later she wrote "Kor-Am" on my facebook wall. Susan was featured in Kor-Am magazine a few months ago. "Kor-Am" is our own very continental way of saying "call me" or "miss you" or "I love you."
Headed to Comix early to pick up a DVD from Kambri. We both had some time to kill before shows so we sat at the bar. I ordered us a round of margaritas. Kambri was a bit flustered with the events of her day but after a few good laughs she was feeling a lot better. She commented on my watch. It's a vintage Rolex. I explained to her the significance of my watch. That it was my father's and that I saw him wear it every day. And now I wear it every day so that he is always with me. I told her that I purposely do not set the time time, that I only set it when I am doing something very important and significant and need to have my Dad there for comfort and support. Kambri got teary and grabbed my wrist and said "hi, Dad." I felt bad for making Kambri misty eyed. I didn't mean to. It was probably the culmination of her stressful day and her margarita. But I loved learning that she too is a sentimental person. It makes her even more beautiful to me. John came up to us and noticed Kambri had watery eyes. Kambri asked me to tell John the story. Jesus. You should see me in action at cocktail parties.
Had a great time at Helen's show then had to take the train to Cosmo's house to take him on his walk. Jeremy had a rehearsal and couldn't do it. Some writing ideas popped into my head on the train and I got to work jotting them down. I was feeling very prolific and couldn't write fast enough. I looked up and I was at 125th Street. Cosmo's stop is 103rd. I hate when I do that! Got off at 125th and took a $6 cab to Cosmo. But before that I went into a bodega to buy a bottle of water. The woman ahead of me spent $8 on Little Debbie snacks and chips and didn't have another quarter to buy a Laffy Taffy. The clerk wouldn't let her take the Laffy Taffy with a .25 cent I.O.U. She argued this for a good five minutes and gave up. I then paid for my water with a twenty. I overheard her tell someone that she never asks anyone for anything and all she needed was .25 cents and now this motherfucker (me) is paying with a twenty and she hopes someday I'm thirsty because she will spit in my face. I hope that day never comes. I really do.
After Cosmo walked me around his neighborhood I laid with him on the floor. I was waiting for a text from old friends from my hometown of Portales, NM. Kasey Scott (the daughter) and Sandy Scott (the mother) came to New York to see some shows. They've always been a theatre family and travel just to see shows. They had tickets to Hair and I was to meet them after for a nightcap. I joined up with them at an Irish bar. After four glasses of wine, lots of laughs, and reliving old memories it was last call. Kasey and I walked Sandy to the hotel. Kasey and I wanted to continue on with the night. It had been over twelve years since we last connected. There was so much to talk about. We ducked into an after hours bar and shared many more drinks and cigarettes. Yes, they were letting us smoke inside! I walked Kasey back to the hotel at 4:30 AM and hopped in a cab to Astoria.
Woke up Friday feeling like I had been out until 4:30 in the morning with an old friend. I also felt smokey and remembered why it is a good thing that we can no longer smoke in bars. Legally. But I was happy. It was so good to reconnect with Kasey and Sandy. Then I thought to myself where the hell is Mara Herron? It hadn't heard from her in a few days. I texted Mara from bed "hi, I am alive." She wrote back "what the fuck is that supposed to mean? stop feeling sorry for yourself, go drink a martini, have a great set and then go have great sex. that always make me happy. I'm at the airport and my plane is delayed." I wrote back "I'm kidding with you." She wrote back "So am I." I wrote "...but I am pissed because I have no idea why you are waiting on a plane." She wrote "no one does... I'm sneaking out of the city for a few days." I went to get ready and found a post-it on the bathroom mirror from the chick who is subletting Wendy's room. The note said "Danny, I baked chicken. Please Try. In Refrigerator." Perfect. I needed substance this morning after last night. Paddy's chicken was very tasty and hit the spot.
Friday night I had The Cocktail Show at Don't Tell Mama. Becky came in riled up from go. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she was very nervous about a half-marathon she was running in the morning. She had been training hard for weeks but it was still going to be very difficult on her. She told me she is getting older, has a bad knee and just isn't that Rutgers women's lacrosse team star athlete that she once was. Becky can get very competitive and I could easily see her pushing herself beyond her limit and getting hurt. I told Becky to promise me she wouldn't be a hero. But there's also no convincing Becky of anything. I was worried. Our show that night was pitch perfect. Kasey and Sandy and Jeremy came to see me perform. Jeremy is also very close with the Scotts. Jeremy hadn't seen me perform in awhile and told me that my set was great, that he loved my new stuff and that he loved the direction I was going in. It felt good to hear that from him because he has seen 5,000 of my shows and is always dead honest with me. I thought to myself that I hope to God I never lose his friendship and support and that we'll always be close. Even when he finds someone. We all went to Film Center Cafe after and ate. Kasey showed me pictures she had of me from junior high and high school. I almost didn't recognize myself. I looked scared and sad. I almost wanted to tell myself in those pictures that it would all work out one day and that I'd live in New York and love it. Sandy picked up the tab. We walked Sandy to her hotel and then Kasey, Jeremy and I went to an irish bar across the street. After three margaritas I decided to throw in the towel. Jeremy and Kasey had catching up of their own to do, I hate goodbyes, and I had brunch plans in the morning. Cab.
Jenna Esposito called to wake me at 10 AM on Saturday as we had planned. We had brunch plans at noon in Hell's Kitchen. After that I had iced coffee scheduled with Terese Genecco on the Upper West Side. I remembered Becky had that race today and I was still worried. I knew Leah was going to the finish line to support Scott. I texted Leah and asked when/where the finish line was. I was going to squeeze "making sure Becky is not dead" into my day's agenda. Leah texted that the race was already done and confirmed that Becky was not dead. I texted Becky and told her I loved her and that I'm glad she didn't die. Met Jenna at her suggested brunch venue "44 1/2" and we sat at a beautiful garden in the back. The waiter took our orders. She had something with eggs. I had something with french toast. We ordered a specialty mixed drink on their menu that was 3 parts vodka, pink lemonade Crystal Lite and a splash of Sprite. It was pink and delicious. We had two. Jenna is a young Italian beauty and my girliest of girlfriends. She's always in full hair, makeup, nails and accessories and is always complimented with just the right amount of sparkles, be it on her eyes or her shoes or her bag. She's a cabaret singer and has a great retro-kitschy vibe to her work. She told me all about her next show which will be a tribute to Connie Francis. Jenna has been working on this show for a long time and I cannot wait to see it. Jenna's shows are always great but I have a feeling she is really going to knock it out of the park with this one. Jenna is very busy with her music to the same degree that I am busy with my comedy. I wish we had more time together but in the meantime I'll settle for the occasional brunch where we fill each other in on all our goings on and pick up where we left off. We always have a great time together and I'm thankful for her friendship.
Picked Terese up at 72nd and Broadway for our iced coffee date. Terese looked particularly stunning today and I remembered she looked particularly stunning last night at my show. She's a strikingly beautiful woman and she is just as strikingly beautiful on the inside. She had to run to the ATM and I had to run to Starbucks to pee. I waited in line for twenty minutes. When I came out Terese was on the corner with her iced coffee. Where was mine? I didn't want to have to wait in another line so we moved on. I stopped at a deli that did not have a line. We had our iced coffees from different vendors and were enroute to find a shady bench in Central Park when we passed by Benny's Burritos and noticed they had $3 margaritas. I turned to Terese and whined "oh come on Terese! margaritas for $3!" as if I already knew what Terese was going to say before she said it. I might have stomped my feet. She said nothing but raised her eyebrow. I offered to pick up the tab to sweeten the deal. She said "well... I guess we can chuck these." The iced coffees went into the trash and we went into the bar. Sold.
Terese had to run to a show and I had a very important date with The Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Talk to you later.
Love
Danny
